Sunday, September 18, 2011

Good News and Bad News

My mom called this morning. "Sarah, I have some good news and some bad news."

Of course, I immediately imagined the worst. Oh, no, someone died! And then I thought, But there's no good in that... unless it was a long-lost relative and we've inherited a portal to a parallel universe full of friendly telepathic dragons.

"The good news is that your books arrived!"


My mom had ordered two copies of my new novel DRINK, SLAY, LOVE through Amazon. She thought they were going to arrive later in the week, so this was unexpected and good news. She continued...

"The bad news is that the dog ate them."


You see, my mom has a long and checkered history with dog training. I remember when I was a kid, my mom would return from Dog Obedience School, and our dog Lucky would leap out of the car, dive into the
mud puddle that we affectionately called "the pond," and run to the neighbors' house to eat their cat's food.

She found this new dog about a year ago by the side of a dirt road -- thin, filthy, and flea-infested. Mom took her home, washed her up, fed her well... and the dog repays her by routinely eating UPS packages.


She emailed me a photo of the remains. Brace yourself. It's gruesome.


I will pause while you compose yourself after the horror that you have just witnessed.

Feel better? No? I'll fetch some smelling salts... (What do smelling salts smell like? I've read tons of novels with them but never actually encountered them...)

She also emailed me a photo of the culprit.


Her name is Blondie. Note that while she looks much better than she must have as a poor abandoned pup, she also doesn't look very contrite.

But don't worry. Blondie does not have access to any other copies of DRINK, SLAY, LOVE. In fact, I have proof that copies elsewhere have not been ravaged by exuberant canines. A few days ago, I went to see my book at a nearby Barnes & Noble (you know, because it's nice to visit your babies when they go out into the world) and saw this:


I am pleased to report that there was not a single bite mark on them.

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13 Comments:

At 11:34 PM, Blogger Q said...

But you have to admit that it would be appropriate if there were bite marks...

 
At 8:34 AM, Blogger Peni R. Griffin said...

Smelling salts, aka sal volatile, aka sal ammoniac. They smell like ammonia.

So, yeah, you would stop fainting, just to keep people from waving that crap in your face.

 
At 9:32 AM, Blogger Sarah Beth Durst said...

Q: True. Very true.

Peni: Ewww. I hereby vow to never faint while visiting Victorian England.

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger Kim Harrington said...

That was too funny! Bad dog!

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger Bwyatt said...

Ahhhh hahahahaha! Sorry, but that is possibly the funniest thing I've seen in a while (but also very tramatic I'm sure). I guess the dog decided that chasing the mailman himself was too much work. Not to mention, you might get some violent retaliation. But attacking the package itself?! Much less dangerous and taxing. I think you actually have a very smart dog there!

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger E Wein said...

that's hilarious!

glad to see they're Front Face Forward, top shelf!

 
At 6:03 PM, Blogger Priya Sridhar said...

You should turn those chewed-up books into a promotion opportunity. Proof that vampires are real . . .

 
At 10:20 PM, Blogger Sarah Beth Durst said...

Kim: Growing up, we had a succession of dogs who failed obedience school. None ate books, though.

Bwyatt: I hadn't thought of it that way. This could have been the culmination of days and nights of planning in the dog house...

Elizabeth: Thanks!! :)

Priya: Vampires aren't real?!?!? Just kidding. This destruction was obviously caused by a werewolf.

 
At 7:10 PM, Blogger Mary (BookHounds) said...

This post just made my day and makes me thankful I have a small dog now. Although I wouldn't trust her with shoes or small animals.

 
At 9:18 PM, Blogger Amy@Amy's Book World said...

That was a cute story. I feel bad because the dog ate her package. I love the picture of the dog though. Looks like she's smiling and happy about the incident.

 
At 12:33 AM, Blogger Pabkins said...

I have to admit - that is a sad but a rather hilarious story. Just shows Blondie has good 'taste' haha!

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger SavyLeartist said...

O_O!!!!! ON NO NOT A BOOK! Give the dog a human being just not a book!

...*runs out to buy said book*

P.s. smelling salts are extremely nasty and strong smelling.

 
At 5:47 PM, Blogger Lauren said...

Hmmm...well, you know as they say, some books require a bit of chewing. *cue dorky laughter*

Reminds me of the time my friend's rabbit ate her homework. The teacher believed her, though. ;)

 

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