Good News and Bad News
My mom called this morning. "Sarah, I have some good news and some bad news."
Of course, I immediately imagined the worst. Oh, no, someone died! And then I thought, But there's no good in that... unless it was a long-lost relative and we've inherited a portal to a parallel universe full of friendly telepathic dragons.
"The good news is that your books arrived!"
My mom had ordered two copies of my new novel DRINK, SLAY, LOVE through Amazon. She thought they were going to arrive later in the week, so this was unexpected and good news. She continued...
"The bad news is that the dog ate them."
You see, my mom has a long and checkered history with dog training. I remember when I was a kid, my mom would return from Dog Obedience School, and our dog Lucky would leap out of the car, dive into the mud puddle that we affectionately called "the pond," and run to the neighbors' house to eat their cat's food.
She found this new dog about a year ago by the side of a dirt road -- thin, filthy, and flea-infested. Mom took her home, washed her up, fed her well... and the dog repays her by routinely eating UPS packages.
She emailed me a photo of the remains. Brace yourself. It's gruesome.
I will pause while you compose yourself after the horror that you have just witnessed.
Feel better? No? I'll fetch some smelling salts... (What do smelling salts smell like? I've read tons of novels with them but never actually encountered them...)
She also emailed me a photo of the culprit.
Her name is Blondie. Note that while she looks much better than she must have as a poor abandoned pup, she also doesn't look very contrite.
But don't worry. Blondie does not have access to any other copies of DRINK, SLAY, LOVE. In fact, I have proof that copies elsewhere have not been ravaged by exuberant canines. A few days ago, I went to see my book at a nearby Barnes & Noble (you know, because it's nice to visit your babies when they go out into the world) and saw this:
I am pleased to report that there was not a single bite mark on them.