Unicorns vs. Zombies

As an avid blog reader and semi-professional procrastinator, I have been following with great interest the unicorn versus zombie debate between Justine Larbalestier and Holly Black. I admit that I have a pro-unicorn bias, but I thought perhaps before choosing sides, I should consult some experts on the subject. So for the first time ever on this blog, I have invited two guests for an interview. Please join me in welcoming Marvin and Fred.

Me: Welcome to Sarah's Journal! Marvin, please tell our readers about yourself.

Marvin: Hi, everyone. My name is Marvin, and I am a unicorn, as you can tell by my single horn and overwhelmingly radiant beauty.

Me: Thanks for com... Ugh, what is that smell?

Marvin: That would be the undead creature that you invited, Fred the Zombie. I smell like sunshine and primroses.

Me: Does sunshine have a smell?

Marvin: Sniff me. Go on. Take a big whiff.

Me: Marvin, please move your tail elsewhere. Marvin, please! Personal space! Now, Fred, please introduce yourself.

Fred: Mhnguuuuuuh...

Me: Fred, um, I hate to say this, but I think your eyeball might be... Yes, it's fallen out. There. On the floor.

Fred: Unnnnghaaaa...

Me: You're welcome. Marvin, let's start with your preference for virgins...

Marvin: It's a myth.

Me: Really? It's a rather common...

Marvin: Did I come here and criticize your dating preferences? Noooo. So don't judge me. Besides, at least I don't eat my virgins, unlike some people we know.

Me: Fair enough. Fred, it's been said that zombies eat people...

Fred: Yummmmmmmm...

Me: That was NOT an invitation.

Fred: Arrrrrrr... Mrrrrr?

Me: Fred, put down the cat. I'm not kidding. Cat. Down.

Marvin: Unicorns don't eat cats.

Me: But you do battle lions.

Marvin: One unicorn. One lion. And it wasn't me. He was my great-great-uncle once-removed.

Me: Wow, do you have any other famous relatives?

Marvin: My brother recently starred in the movie version of THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE, and my sister-in-law... [mumble, mumble]

Me: What was that, Marvin?

Marvin: My sister-in-law was the, um... Look, we're not proud of this, but she was the model for the My Little Pony unicorn. Hey, you aren't just asking this so you can search Google Images for embarrassing family photos, are you?


Me: Maybe we should change the topic. Marvin, what would you say are your best qualities?

Marvin: Healing power. Poison detection. Supreme beauty, representative of all that is wonderous in the human spirit.

Me: Fred?

Fred: Ghurrrr, murph, uggggghhhhhh...


Me: Well, there you have it, folks. Straight from the experts. Now it's your turn to weigh in. Come on, everybody's doing it. Unicorns or zombies? Which do you prefer?