Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Dating Disasters

Robin Friedman has created a very cool website for her new book, THE GIRLFRIEND PROJECT. It includes a section called Dating Disasters, which features contributed anecdotes about the real-life dating misadventures of authors such as Tracy Barrett, Brent Hartinger, Cynthia Lord, Linda Joy Singleton, and lots of others...

... including ... drum roll please ... ME!!! Yep, I contributed my very own totally embarrassing and totally true dating disaster. For your amusement, I've reproduced my contribution here:

***

A Chipmunk, Horse Manure, and Some Raw Fish

The first time I brought my college boyfriend home to meet my family, he looked out my window to see my beloved cat about to eat a cute little (live) chipmunk.

Hoping to stop my cat from acting out a graphic nature special, I ran outside. My dog ran out with me. So my boyfriend's view out the window was now: a dog chasing me as I chased a cat chasing a (slightly maimed) chipmunk. Sort of a deranged nursery rhyme.

Very classy. But, oh, it gets better:

The cat caught the chipmunk. I caught the cat. And the dog bolted. She raced to the horse's stall, chowed down on a pile of manure as if the clumps were potato chips, then leapt into the pond, swam across it, and ran away.

This all occurred within the first 15 minutes of my boyfriend's visit. We drove to the neighbors' house to retrieve a wet dog with manure breath and returned home to bury a chipmunk.

Several months later, my boyfriend (the same one, surprisingly enough) brought me home to meet his family. No cats, dogs, or chipmunks involved on this visit. Just raw fish.

After a lovely sushi dinner with his parents, I began to feel queasy. As soon as we reached his parents' house, I made a dash to the bathroom and chugged some Pepto-Bismol.

And then I clogged the toilet. And then I was sick to my stomach. And then I flushed.

The second flush was NOT a good idea.

The bathroom flooded. Did I mention that just outside the bathroom was brand-new carpet? And that Pepto-Bismol is much, much more pink than that carpet was?

Yes, indeed, I am one classy girl.

But he married me anyway...

Which confirms the subtle wisdom of WAYNE'S WORLD: "If you blow chunks and [he] comes back, [he’s] yours. But if you spew and [he] bolts, then it was never meant to be."

***

So that's my dating disaster. Click here to check out the other authors' contributions. Some of these stories really made me laugh.

And now it's your turn. Do you have a dating disaster you'd like to share?

3 Comments:

At 9:35 AM, Blogger Faith said...

It was before Christmas, and we lived in Salt Lake City, Utah. Temple Square downtown has the most incredible array of Christmas lights you can imagine. So we went to look at the lights. Afterward we went to the food court in the mall across the street for something to drink.

I was nervous. When I'm nervous, I fidget. I fidgeted so much that I managed to overturn my cup of diet Coke. It went everywhere--all over the table, my pants, the floor. So we mopped up the mess as much as possible, and I asked if we could leave. He was enjoying himself a little too much, and said no, not yet. So we stayed there.

If I had been nervous before, it was nothing compared to how I was then feeling. So I was by then fidgeting in my chair. The chair leg caught the one piece of ice we missed, skidded out from under my backside, and I landed flat on my back on the floor. Hard.

I lay there not sure whether to laugh or cry, and compromised by doing both. I still remember seeing M's face peering at me as he checked to make sure I was okay. I informed him that he was taking me home then.

He did.

I only went out with him one more time, but after I had my first date with my husband I fell hard for him, although it didn't involve landing on my back on a hard tiled floor. I just fell in a snowbank. Much softer.

Did I mention I'm a klutz?

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger Sarah Beth Durst said...

FAITH: LOL! Thanks for sharing. I can't believe he wouldn't take you home when you asked. How rude.

 
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